Rag Doll 29.4.11

A post and also, in a way, an explanation of why I have not been posting.

Rag Doll

I am a rag doll,
lying limp and lazy.

I wish.

To be lazy is to have a choice.
I have not chosen,
I have been chosen,
the lottery has fallen.
It could be you.
And it is.

Damn.

Could I be unchosen, please?
These legs, this body, this pain -
I'd like to take it back -
it's faulty -
it's not fit for sale -
may I make an exchange?
Surely my customer rights apply -
if it's not fit for the purpose.

It's only fair.

But life is not fair
and I still don't understand why.

Why, I scream.
Why, I sob.
Why, I whisper.

Why?

One day I will understand -
won't I?
Surely one day I will see, know.
Face to face, not blurred by dark glass.

You promised.

I cling to promises
to keep my hope afloat.
A life buoy in the sea of tears.

Take this pain, use it,
I am willing.

But please.
All I ask.
Show me why.